Oh, one more thing

please dont just read this post, but also read my FEAR post below......

so the issue was kind of addressed that i discussed earlier in my blogging, but i felt as though i was one of the most unpopular people in my session on friday Feb 23rd at 9:30am!!!!!

FEAR

ok so i have a confession...... i admit that i do partner with fear quite alot and i know fear is not of God, but sometimes i partner with it. not a good thing at all. and tonight was one of those nights....

I was walking from the hotel i am staying at with my mum on Robson street back to the Empress as i had a war room shift to do. it was like 10:00 when i left my hotel on Robson. now its a good 15 minute walk to the Empress.... and i have to tell you that there was quite a bit of that journey where i was quite fearful. funny thing is, it wasnt in the Downtown Eastside, Canada's poorest postal code that is very dodgy, but it was in the 'normal' part of town. it wasnt until i hit Hastings when i calmed down a bit and felt a bit better. i dont get it. why would i be sooo fearful in the 'normal' area, but yet not fearful at all walking past homeless, drug addicts, drug dealers and prostituted people. i cant even explain it. maybe its cuz i am familar with my area, maybe its cuz the streets are packed... i really dont know. i cant explain it. anyone got suggestions??? cuz i sure as heck dont understand it.

Just some thoughts and questions

So i am in a bit of a situation at the moment. and i am not sure what to do about the situation, whether it needs to be addressed or whether i should just pray or whether i should just leave it, i really dont know what to do. this situation has been bugging me for a few days now and getting me really down, so much so, that i just cried in Pray the Bible this morning. now i shouldnt be letting it get me down this much, but i do. i just dont understand. so pretty much, there have been ppl making me feel bad and it gets me really down. but if i talk to the people involved, then there could be a whole other issue come up and alot of pain could be brought out. but if i dont address the issue, i am still feeling bad. i know this probably makes no sense to anyone ( except maybe becky and denise cuz i have talked to them about it), but i just needed to get my feelings and thoughts out there.

so what do i do? leave the situation and continue to feel bad or address the situation and possibly bring up about alot of pain and hurt that i dont wanna have to go through?? i just dont know whether i am ready for that.

LOVE!

Ok so i havent posted in awhile.... i have been busy doing the War College thing and i want to post about alot of things, so i will but i am gonna break it up into a few things and start here... so make sure u read all of them, they are going to have all important stuff in them for me.

so i have been wrestling over the weekend with love and the greatest commandment which says:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these."

the reason i have been wrestling with it is cuz i am preaching on Tuesday night to a bunch of beautiful women who are in rehab at the moment at a place called Homestead. ( for ppl back home in Brisbane, its like the female version of Moonyah)

And i broke the sermon up into 3 parts.... 1) Love God, 2) Love others and 3) Love yourself. i am still on the first and i have been praying about it and looking at it and i have come to the conclusion that the main way you can Love God with EVERYTHING you have is to SUBMIT everything you have. it seems pretty obvious. but i mean seriously, the world would look at this and think its crazy. it is kind of a weird thing. the way you love God with everything is to submit...

but i would love to hear from others cuz i am clearly not perfect and not always sure whether i am right.... but am i on the right track with this??

well back to wrestling with it some more!!!

Denneil

Just a quick side note about Denneil. I received an email from my friend the other day and she went to Denneil's funeral and there was almost 1000 people at her funeral!!!!! She made a pretty amazing impact for only being 20 and having that many ppl turn up to the funeral!

Bit of a rough week,

Well as some of you know, i have had a bit of a rough week. Probably have to say its been one of the roughest of my life. On Sunday night got hassled by this guy at the bus stop big time. like he wouldnt leave me alone. i was very scared and stuff. so it put alot of fear on me and i think i received some of the fear, i didnt just let it brush off me. so i have been battling that all week. on Tuesday night, i couldnt even do street combat, just because i was scared to talk to people, so thats been my battle. another battle has been sickness. i have had a cold since sunday night and have been pretty sick.

Also havent been sleeping very well at all. I think the event on sunday night really affected me, so its been affecting my sleep.

I guess the hardest thing for me has been learning that my good friend from uni Denneil passed away on Sunday. I only found out yesterday afternoon ( wednesday afternoon) and it hit me really hard. i have never lost anyone in my life before, so its been hard for me. She was only 20 and married for only 2 months. above is a picture of her. but this is my little tribute to Denneil, so i am going to say just a bit bout her here....

She devoted 20 years of her life to God. never once did she turn away and never once did she ever 2nd guess God. she always knew he reigned. She was the best example in my life of how a Christian is supposed to live. she was one of the most godly women i know. In 2005 when i met her, we had all our classes for uni together and seeing her always brightened my day. any time I needed more joy, the joy in her life would just rub off onto me. she was always there when i needed to talk to her and there to just be my friend and hug me when i needed a hug. I think one of the most important things for me was after this year in Canada seeing Denneil and showing her that i turned into the beautiful woman of God that she always saw me to be. She always saw me in a way that i am starting to see myself and she has helped me grow to that woman. So Denneil. know that i love u soooo much and you have definitely made a huge impact on my life and i know you have touched sooo many other ppl's lives as well.

Last night, i was sitting here just listening to music and thinking about Denneil and just how much i am going to miss her and i was wondering what it would have been like to see her after my year here and i can only think of the words that she would have said and thats " i am so proud of u". But you know what, i know she is looking down on me from heaven saying that anyway. so Denneil i love you heaps and will miss u heaps.

Looking back on this week is tough.... but i am not hopeless. i know i am going to get through this. I have hope. I am just going through the grieving process... so i am sorry for people who have to put up with all of my tears and moods and emotions, but please just give me some time to deal with this how i need to and want to deal with this.

I think i will finish the post now that i am crying again!!! but know that I love you all!!!

Weird week

have u ever had one of those weeks where you look back on the week and u really cant remember what happened? its like one big blur? welcome to my last week. i honestly am looking back at the week going, what the heck did i do this week. i really cant remember too much. so in a deperate attempt to remember my week, i am reverting to my journal and looking at what i have written about the past week. ohhh dreams dreams dreams... that has probably been the main theme for my week. dreaming up big things about my future and journalling about them. i have decided that i want to do phase 2, but i dont want to do it in Vancouver, i want to do it in Brisbane, so we shall see what happens there.

my intercession has been working a bit overtime this week. sometimes its hard. i will feel a certain way and not know why or where it is coming from. because me, personally i have felt good. i am in a good place emotionally, spiritually and mentally. but i have just felt sad.... and i just dont get it, most days i just dont understand. or i would feel heavy. so i have just been trying to pray through it all. i just wish my discernment was working a bit more. but God is a funny God like that. so its been a tough week for me. just sorting out some stuff in my own life and moving on and growing, thats always fun.

so i am not actually sure what has happened in my week, so i apologize for the lack of update.